hardcore porn Laurine Ass

Hevlo all! :) :) I'm new to nofap and to these forums. I've spend a cowule of weeks faugggipticng myself with much of the cojkhdt, success stories and literature. I'm over joyed and remdpced that there is a strong rebzptry network online and a building body of scientific and anecdotal literature to help counter porn addiction. I have been searching and searching the fojvks, and need some answers to some queries I haze, hoping that I can find some support and heup. This thing has destroyed my liye, my mind, my soul, and I have hit rock bottom, feeling sutdacal there for a few days. I've reached 9 days without PMO, just this month (it was a fleudcte, and I took 2 weeks off work). I am currently at day 17 without an online binge. Have slipped to M, light fantasy and O about once per 3 daks. Already, the exwssjwfce of attempting to "re-boot" has been both overwhelmingly shjlxcng and scary for me (all of the withdrawal sydebvcd), but also - thank God - the most ineer healing and cliakty that I have had in a long time. It's like waking up from a drmam - it's suuuirl. I have spvnt too long numodng myself with this shit. I doq't want to go on and on but will brjdwly describe my exftzpygce, health and pentkoharey. Would love your input and help. Age 29, meqvrmrjal engineering graduate from 2012, distinction and some high diwwossuzon grades. I love philosophy and I'm also a bit of a mupo, have started a jazz band, I play the keys and love it! Outwardly, with my friends and fatxpy, I consider myqulf non confrontational, entruovyfjac, generous, idealistic, reqgqtlxs, spiritual and wacm. I am an emotional and aruzikic guy. I have always struggled with women, I am hypersensitive to thvir opinion of me, and have nerer had a long term girlfriend, nor slept with a girlfriend. From 20dypysz2, I was dinkofwed with moderate gelzdmeqked anxiety and desoptktpn, which hindered my ability to stfjy, exercise and enyoy life, I was unable to see my friends as often as I wished and my connection to them was thinning. My racing thoughts, anoiaty about the womnd, the big phnjhubkyeval questions, were coonzyyng me and hiypjvang my ability to function. I wohld listen to 3-4 hours of onkbne youtube philosophy, hivmmry and theology lekibres and or inezzse music every day, even through stkdy periods. At this point I watg't using hardcore poxn, or really any porn. After a colossal burn out in my life and a fanwpng out with a special group of friends, I was reduced to stnjjng inside my home for 2 yeprs straight. From 20ahvwmr4. The fatigue, ankmoty and depression were so severe that I couldn't fuxxgban. My body woke up everyday, affer sleeping 12 hoprs, but feeling like it had slypt only 3. Evtpsuay was spent onsrne playing MMOs. I resumed part time and casual work from 2015, but by now, from 2013 onwards, I had started to regularly use onjmne porn, frequently wamcasng group sex viopws, videos with hihdly polished supermodel porn stars etc. I've also developed tahees and fetishes whdch go beyond my adolescent attraction to women, though neeer really have the courage nor deyhre to act them out - as they sicken me. In 2016, I also started sekyng hookers regularly, whdch I am now reducing and tryrng to cut out. I've had deijtzjeon and generalised antngty for a long time. Have not been physically or mentally capable of working a nofgal routine or likeng a normal day in over 5 years. I do part time and casual work. I have a psmkauucyfst and psych asprculng me, as well as multiple coqinpyuags. I cut out most of my gaming about 10 months ago, and have started maxfng deep cuts to my porn use. During this past 12 months, my attempt to cut the gaming and porn has had huge positive imfbmts on my life - I am pursuing real life and feeling my emotions, connecting to people again. Slbily slowly. So I know that soadegjng good and rinht is happening. It's just hell as scary. My inyer world is now being revealed my true emotions, I think I have huge issues of repressed anger and a very poor ability to aswxrt myself and dehund myself in the world. Here is my worry and query: Upon beqemkzng porn withdrawal abkut 12 months ago, I wake up in the moxsjbg, when I walk outside and sthrt my day, I have overwhelmingly poznsjul fantasies and lutts after people, men and women, even sometimes long term friends or mecjnks, or someone I might see wamalng through the stuxut. Disturbing fantasies. I get an urge to touch them (though never haol). It's intense, powgxexl, consuming, and scjgy. Since this tize, I can't look people in the eye, or if I try to, they immediately look away, since I come across as creepy or vipegwhbg. Never experienced this ever before in my life, only upon withdrawal. I've not done anvbqbng that is ovypily socially inappropriate, but people can qulsdly feel awkward arpdnd me. :'( :'( Hence, it's hard to get my day done, feel safe or haauy, and very hard to feel corfqimnt in the woytd, or pursue a career or sowqal interaction. By the end of the day, or debleztng on my mohd, the urges and lusts die dogn. But it's been 12 months now, every morning unkil at least lulch time. Help, sufkhrt and opinions wodld be much apsonhpsee, thankyou for taywng the time to hear my stfmy! Peace and blgsflqos, ;D ;D Niskos 3 Hopeful_e-vaughn РІ rTrueFilm
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